The Devil Inside His Head
by MightyGoat
Summary: In which Rin struggles to hide another secret on his journey to become an Exorcist, Satan is having too much fun being stuck in the half-demon's head and the two (unknowingly) drive Yukio insane with their antics. "No Rin... I am your father." "You did not just go there!" "Ah, but I did." [Crack-fic!]
1. Chapter 1

_Warning: This story contains quite a bit of cussing/cursing/swearing, OOCness, various references (I shall write at the end of the chapter what they are from), crack-ish randomness, the breaking of the Fourth Wall, and much more._

 _Genres: Humor & Parody with a little bit of Family stuff on the side._

 _I don't own Ao no Exorcist/Blue Exorcist, nor do I own anything else that may be referenced in this story._

* * *

 _01 – Even the Devil Fears a Fanfiction Writer_

* * *

The first time Rin had heard the voice was the same day as Shiro Fujimoto's funeral. After having been confronted by Mephisto Pheles, telling the clown-like man of his desire to defeat Satan and beeing 'offered' to become an exorcist he had walked off. Aimlessly walking around for a while he had eventually found himself at a park Shiro had often bought Yukio and himself to when they were children.

Rain poured down, the sky seeming to reflect the melancholy he felt at remembering those time and trying to wash away his sorrow.

" _Oh come on! So that Bastard of a Paladin is dead, so what? Suck it up you wuss! No son of mine should be behavin' like this. 'sides, the guy was an ass!"_

While the voice lacked the insanity it once held and seemed more-so angry than anything else, Rin was able to recognise it instantly.

"SATAN!?" Rin shouted, cautiously looking around the empty park for anything that could have possibly been possessed by the Devil himself, only to find nothing. Perhaps it had just been his imagination…

" _No, I'm the fucking tooth fairy."_ The voice held a rather sarcastic tone to it, _"and please, call me Oto-san~ Or daddy~ Or papa~ Or papi~"_

"HELL NO YOU BASTARD!" Rin was angry, _very_ angry as he searched for the source of the voice.

" _Please, Bastard is soooo overrated these days, try something new. Oh yeah, and you don't need to shout. Just sayin', I'm in yer head after all. Try thinking for once, I know you can. I've had to listen to your shitty and depressing thoughts for the past bloody day!"_

Rin felt his blood run cold at Satan's words, panic flooding him before his eyes shone with determination and hatred. _Oi, if you're trying to possess me, there's no way in Hell I'll let you! I'll kill you before you hurt anyone else._

" _Hah! I'll ignore that comment on Hell, but if I was really able to possess you… Don't you think I would have already done it?"_

 _Then what are you doing in my head?_

" _Dunno! One minute I'm taking you to Gehenna and the next I wake up and have to watch your life through a bloody T.V screen- which is freaking large and in HD, might I add."_

 _Really? How large is it?_ The topic of the conversation was drifting, it seemed.

" _No idea. I was never good at measurements, but it's quite large. And the couch in here is soooo damn comfortable. Mind you, your mind is pretty neat, even has a kitchen and coffee maker! I've never seen a coffee maker quite like this one –although admittedly I'm more of a tea drinker myself–, the ones in Gehenna just don't quite compare. And the coffee this magnificent machine makes is just so… so superb! Heck, your mind in general is just amazing- oooh~ A remote!"_

Rin's eye twitched, idly wondering if Satan was bipolar- he probably was. _Damn, my mind sounds cool… Wait! That's not the point you Bastard! GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD!_

There was a pause, and for some reason Rin felt like Satan was rubbing his head sheepishly.

" _I can't."_ The Devil admitted, _"and I've tried. It doesn't seem like I accidentally threw myself into your subconscious or something like that, nor does it seem like the work of a demon. "_

 _What's going on here then!?_

" _Hmm… If I were to guess…"_ There was a pause. _"I'd say that our predicament has been caused by a fucking insane and sadistic Fanfiction author who's had waaaay too much caffeine."_

 _ **Oi, Satan! Don't go breaking the Fourth Wall! Remember, in this world what the author writes goes, so you had better not push yer luck, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**_

Rin blinked once, twice, and then thrice. _The fuuuuu-_

Satan cut him off quickly, uncharacteristic fear obvious in his voice. _"I uh- I mean that it seems like we'll have to embark on a long journey, struggling to cope with each other as we begin to form a bond of family… WHAT THE FLAMING FUCK IS THIS SHIT!? THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL I'LL DO THIS!"_

 _Ah, you said 'Hell'. And were you just reading from a script or something?_

" _You know what I mean, you shithead. And yes I was, bloody fanfiction authors…"_

 _ **Ehem, Fourth Wall, remember?**_

" _Shit… Alright, so then, I suppose we'll need to figure out a way to get me out of your mind so I can go back to my throne in Gehenna."_

 _And so that I can become an Exorcist and kick your sorry ass, Bastard!_

" _Right, right… and that too, although it ain't like you'll ever be able to defeat me."_

 _HEY!_

" _Jeez, what do you have against me anyway?"_

 _You killed my father!_

There was a pause, the only sound being the rain pouring down outside of Rin's mind until…

" _No Rin…"_ There was a dramatic pause as rather dramatic music begun to play throughout Rin's head. _"… I am your father!"_ _ **(1)**_

 _You did not just go there!_

Rin was pretty sure that Satan was smirking a rather smug, shit-eating smirk. Which did nothing but make the half-demon even more pissed off than he already was.

" _Ah, but I did."_

… _I'm stuck with you in my head now, aren't I?_

" _Yup, you had better get used to it- I know I already am! I can make it that annoying music gets stuck in your head!"_

To prove his point, a song begun to play in Rin's head. A rather annoying one at that.

' _Ahhhhhh,_

 _Ya ya yaaaaah,_

 _Yaaah ya yah,_

 _Ohohohohoooo,_

 _Oh ya yaaah-'_ _ **(2)**_

* * *

Yukio raised an eyebrow as he observed his brother from afar, slight worry lingering in his eyes- hidden by his glasses. Rin was smashing his head against a tree repetitively while spewing out a large variety curse words, some Yukio had never even heard before.

Yukio turned away from the park, pushing up his glasses as he did so while opting to pretend he didn't know Rin at that moment- acting as though he was just an innocent person passing by.

* * *

 _01 - Even the Devil Fears a Fanfiction Writer: End_

* * *

 _Next time: Unfortunately for Rin, Satan is tone-deaf._

* * *

 _References:_

 ** _(1) - From Star Wars, I just couldn't resist!_**

 ** _(2) - The start of the Trololo Song._**

* * *

 _Note:_ _This story is from a spur-of-the-moment idea, which I thought of after I had drowned my sorrows in tea (not the smartest thing I've ever done...). I ended up thinking about it a lot and decided to write it out in attempt to get my mind off of any angsty/tragic plot bunnies I may or may not have stuck in my head. At this stage I'm not quite sure where I'll take this story, but meh. I'll figure something out!_

 _I hope the first chapter of The Devil Inside His Head was enjoyable to read. 'Till next time!_


	2. Chapter 2

_02 - Stolen Anime and a tone-deaf Devil_

* * *

Rin's eye twitched.

Mephisto continued to whistle as the limo drove- seemingly oblivious to the half-demon's irritation.

Satan growled dangerously from within Rin's mind. _"BURN THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE!"_

 _Don't tempt me,_ Rin shot back. _And you've been saying that since I got in the car-_

" _And prey tell why you did that? Don't you know getting into fancy-ass ways transportation with strange men offering candy is a dumb thing to do? Did no one ever teach you about stranger danger?"_

 _He wasn't offering me candy!_ Rin protested.

" _But the fucker was offering you something even more stupid than sweets!"_

 _It was my decision to become an Exorcist, you Bastard!_

" _Yeah, yeah. You want to become an exorcist to kill me, bla bla bla. But seriously, out of all the ways to become stronger, you just had to go to_ _ **him**_ _?"_

 _What do you have against_ _ **him**_ _anyway?_

There was a pause, but Rin couldn't help but shudder as he felt Satan's anger rise.

" _He's one of your older brothers, and a traitor to his kind and... and… THAT MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE STOLE MY ANIME COLLECTION!"_

Rin literally jumped out of his seat at the outburst, gaining a rather odd look from Mephisto and Yukio- which he ignored, too focused on the Devil in his head. Soft sobbing was heard and a quick glance around the car told the half-demon that the sound was coming from his mind.

 _Are you… crying…?_

" _FUCK NO!"_ Satan's voice said otherwise. _"AND BESIDES, DO YOU HAVE ANY BLOODY IDEA HOW HARD ANIME IS TO GET IN GEHENNA!?"_

 _No…? Wait- you said Mephisto is my brother!?_

" _Yeah,"_ suddenly Satan was rather serious, _"well… Half-brother, one my eight- wait, I have ten children now, don't I? Ah jeez! I have way too many freaking children! I must be insane!"_

Memories about Satan possessing Fujimoto flashed through Rin's mind. … _Yeah, your fucking insane, you bastard!_

There was no response, until…

" _Oh hey! Is this a Karaoke machine!?"_

Mephisto raised an eyebrow in curiosity as he observed Rin's facial expression go from startled, to curious, to shocked and then- strangely enough it became a rather ghostly pale as the half-demon bought his hands to cover his face, groaning in despair.

Mephisto glanced at Yukio, eyebrow raised higher as it seemed the youngest was just as confused as he was.

* * *

" _-LET'S START A RIOT,_

 _A RIOT,_

 _LET'S START A RIOT-"_ _ **(1)**_

Rin growled, head buried in his arms which were rested atop his new desk as he awaited the arrival for his Exorcist teacher, ignoring the few other students in his class as he attempted to block out the rather horrible singing in his head.

It seemed that, unfortunately for Rin, Satan was _**EXTREMELY**_ tone-deaf.

 _Please… Just shut up…_

" _-LET'S START A RIOT,_

 _A RIOT,_

 _LET'S START A RIOT-"_

Rin's plea was ignored, and unbeknownst to the half-demon, his teacher had arrived. Yukio begun to introduce himself to the class.

 _SHUT UP!_

" _-IF YOU FEEL SO FILTHY,_

 _SO DIRTY,_

 _SO FUCKED UP-"_

"It's nice to meet you all. I am your teacher, Okumura Yukio.-"

" _-IF YOU FEEL SO WALKED ON,_

 _SO PAINFUL,_

 _SO PISSED OFF-"_

"-While I am about the same age as most of you, I have been studying Exorcism since I was seven, completing my training two years ago-"

" _-YOU'RE NOT THE,_

 _ONLY ONE,_

 _REFUSING TO GO DOWN-"_

"-Anti-demon pharmacology starting-"

" _-YOU'RE NOT THE,_

 _ONLY ONE,_

 _SO GET UP-"_

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY YOU BASTARD!"

Both Satan and Yukio were cut off by Rin's outburst, all eyes in the classroom on the half-demon as he realised that he had said the words aloud- making it seem as though they were directed at the teacher.

Rubbing the back of his head sheepishly, an apologetic look on his face, Rin looked at the teacher. "Sorry, sensei-"

He blinked once.

Twice.

And then thrice.

"YUKIO!?" Rin shouted in shock. Perhaps he really had gone insane. Yeah, that had to be it! It'd explain why there was a voice in his head and why he was seeing his younger brother where his Exorcist teacher should have been.

" _Sorry to say, but you aren't even nearly insane enough yet for those things to happen. I'm most definitely stuck in your head and your younger brother seems to be an Exorcist. Damn our family is complicated."_

 _MY family,_ Rin corrected, _you aren't a part of it, you Bastard!_

" _Riiiight~"_

* * *

After confronting Yukio and discovering that the younger of the two would be staying in the same dorm room as him, Rin got some well-deserved sleep.

Well, his body did- his mind… not so much.

Rin blinked, staring not at the large, apartment-like room he was in, but at the person who looked like an older and more demonic version of himself in shock. The other matching his expression with one equally as confused- horns and tails of blue flames flickering on both of them.

Satan grinned, Rin glared.

"Why the Hell am I…?" Rin glanced around cautiously.

The Devil's grin widened a seemingly impossible amount. "Turns out I can bring you into your mind when you sleep~ But you can't leave until you wake up~"

"First," Rin began, "that's fucking creepy. Second- no way! There's a PlayStation 3 here!?"

Satan blinked. "Huh, I didn't notice that."

"Let's play it! I'll kick your ass!"

"Alright, I'd like to see you try!"

"Your on- huh, why won't it work!?"

"Oh shit… I think I destroyed the cables when I first woke up in your mind…"

"WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT, BASTARD!?"

"IT WASN'T MY FAULT! I WAS PISSED OFF AS ALL HECK!"

"THAT'S NO EXCUSE FOR WHAT YOU DID! NOW WHAT'LL I DO UNTIL I WAKE UP, HUH!?"

"Karaoke?" Satan gestured to the Karaoke machine.

"FUCK NO!" Rin's flames lashed out, burning the machine until only the ashes remained. "THERE'S NO WAY I'LL LET YOU DO THAT AGAIN, SATAN YOU BASTARD!"

* * *

Yukio stared curiously as Rin mumbled in his sleep.

"Satan… you Bastard…"

It seemed that his older brother held a deep hatred for the Devil- and it was understandable why, with what had happened to Fujimoto.

But still… Something just didn't add up…

Oh, if only Yukio knew the half of it.

* * *

 _02 – Stolen Anime and a tone-deaf Devil: End_

* * *

 _Next time: Not sure yet._

* * *

 _References:_

 _ **(1)**_ – _**The song Satan sings is 'Riot' by Three Days Grace.**_

* * *

 _Note:_ _So, I had some free time and ended up writing this chapter. Ahaha, I love writing this so much~ Not quite sure what I'll do next though... Need to do the Shiemi and Bon parts... Which I'm not quite sure how I'll do 'em, but after that I can do whatever I wan't with this (I have plans for this crack-fic), MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

 _Also, if there is anything anyone want's to have happen in this story, feel free to let me know and I'll see what I can do!_

 _Anyways, I hope this was enjoyable to read! 'Till next time~_


	3. Chapter 3

_03 – Spacing out when facing off against a Demon is bad kids, don't try it at home!_

* * *

Rin stared at the gate, a beautiful garden on the other side. The tender hands of a blond haired girl nurturing the plants, oblivious to the half-demon. Said half-demon's hand reached out towards the gates bars, seemingly in a trance.

" _Oh for fucks sake Rin, don't you dare touch that fence!"_

Satan's warning had been a little too late, a slight shock coursing through Rin's body as the gate fell to the floor, the girl's terrified scream of 'demon' sounding throughout the yard.

" _Dumbass!"_

 _Huh!? What was that!?_

" _A warding gate. What, didn't they teach you anything growing up? See! If I had raised you in Gehenna, you'd have known all about all the shit Exorcist's can do to piss Demons off!"_

… _YOU COULDN'T HAVE WARNED ME!?_

" _I DID!"_

 _SHUT UP!_

" _Nah, don't wanna~"_

* * *

After reassuring the girl _–Shiemi–_ that he wasn't a demon, ignoring Satan's comments of _"Bullshit"_ , the half-demon had helped Shiemi with her gardening- all while having to put up with a certain voice in his head.

" _Hmm… I have this horrible urge to be snarky right now…"_

 _Snarky…? The fuck is that?_

" _It's a word, dumbass. Google that shit, it exists."_ _ **(1)**_

 _Unless you didn't notice, I can't 'Google that shit' at the moment, Bastard!_

"Eh? Rin? Are you okay?"

 _Heck! I can't even Google it in the dorms. For a rich school, it sure doesn't have much internet access._

" _That's because Samael is an ass like that."_

 _Samael?_

" _Ah, that's Mephisto's birth name. I can't believe the shithead changed his name! It's like he doesn't want to be related to me for some reason!"_

 _Yeah, I wonder why._

" _Oh my, such sarcasm! My little boy is all grown up~ Now come give Papa a hug~"_

 _The fuck!?_

"RIN!"

Rin blinked, snapping out of his conversation with Satan. "What's wrong?" He asked Shiemi.

"You weren't responding to anything, you seemed pretty spaced out."

" _No shit, Sherlock."_

Rin's eye twitched at Satan's comment. "Ah, sorry. I do that a lot."

"I see…" Shiemi gave him a look of concern.

" _Hmm…"_

 _What?_

" _Hmmmmmm…"_

 _WHAT!?_

" _Hmmmmmmmmm…"_

 _WHAT IS IT YOU BASTARD!?_

" _Let's kidnap her."_

… _Wha…?_

" _Wait no, that's a bad idea. Hmm… Aha! I know- actually, never mind. I'm out of ideas…"_

 _Seriously…?_

" _Sadly, yes. I'm bored and I haven't had any tea in a week! I'm going through withdrawals!"_

 _What does that have to do with anything?_

" _Dunno, I just felt like bringing it up~"_

 _I'll kill you one day, you Bastard!_

" _Yeah yeah, whatever. We've been through this before, let's try something new before the readers get bored. 'kay?"_

 _Hell no- wait, readers…?_

 _ **S~ A~ T~ A~ N~ What have I told you about breaking Walls~?**_

" _Oh crap! Err… That it's bad and under no circumstances should I do it unless I wish to be humiliated in the most humiliating of ways…? Huh- when did that happen?_

 _ **It was added in just then. At any rate, this is your last warning!**_

" _YES! I won't do it again!"_

 _ **Good boy.**_

"Yuki-chan, is Rin going to be okay?"

"I'm not sure, Shiemi, he's only started doing this recently."

"Eh?"

"Yes. Let's use this chance to draw on his face."

" _Oi, you might want to look out."_

Rin blinked as a permanent marker drew closer to his face. "SERIOUSLY!?" He shouted at his younger brother and Shiemi, who both had mischievous glints in their eyes as Yukio quickly hid the marker he had been holding- whistling innocently as he did so.

* * *

The flower-like demon stared.

Rin stared back, Kurikara unsheathed as he took his demonic form.

" _Yessssss,"_ Satan practically purred, _"kill iiiiiit~"_

 _Why?_

" _Because if you do it'll most likely piss off Amaimon~"_

 _Who's Amaimon?_

" _Another one of your big brothers~"_

"Nii-san! This is no time to be spacing out!"

"SHUT UP YUKIO! I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE HERE!"

"ON WHAT!? THE DEMON IS RIGHT THERE NII-SAN, RIGHT THERE!"

" _\- but Amaimon's a little shit, so if you see him, feel free to burn him alive! He always sucks up to Samael and it pisses me off. He even helped the shithead steal my Anime collection and escape to Assiah all those years ago."_

 _Cool._

" _So, do you want to learn about the Demon side of your family?"_

 _If most of it is about things like those two stealing your Anime, then sure. It sounds interesting!_

" _Alright then, take a seat. I'll tell you about the time Beelzebub and Lucifer went to war over a woman."_

Rin complied, sitting cross-legged on the grass.

"Oh for the love of- okay then! Looks like I'll have to deal with this demon by myself, thanks a lot Nii-san." Yukio grumbled, pushing up his glasses with one hand.

"No problem 'lil bro!" Rin replied absentmindedly, sheathing his sword as he focused on Satan's words.

* * *

" _\- in the end, it turned out that the woman was already dating Egyn! Although shortly after she dumped him- but not before literally stabbing him in the back and stealing most of his wealth, the poor brat… In the end there wasn't any point for the war, although it was still a lot of damn fun to watch!"_

 _Oh wow! That's sounds freaking awesome! But I have one question…_

" _Ask away."_

 _Who are Beelzebub, Lucifer and Egyn?_

There was a pause.

" _I swear… If that Bastard Fujimoto wasn't dead, I'd kill him… I suppose I'll have to teach you, then!"_

 _YOU BASTARD! LIKE HELL I'D LET YOU KILL HIM!_

" _I already did."_

 _Fuck you._

" _Aww… and to think we were getting along so well until now!"_

Suddenly, the feeling of an extremely pissed off Yukio was felt behind Rin, causing both the half-demon and Satan to promptly shut up.

Yukio was panting, his Exorcist uniform torn in various places as though he had been fighting a Demon with his bare hands- which he had after the plant Demon had discovered that the ammunition in his gun wasn't exactly meant to harm.

The look in the younger brother's eyes caused Rin to gulp and Satan to tremble in fear.

"Nii. San." Yukio ground out in a sickly sweet tone, "pray tell why you decided to completely ignore my pleas for help~?"

Rin blinked. "Uhh…"

Yukio pushed his glasses up, clearly unimpressed with Rin as he walked over to Shiemi before the half-demon could respond properly.

" _Oh wow, he's scary."_

 _Yup._

" _I'm so proud of him!"_

 _Yeah- HEY! What about me!?_

" _Eh, you have a long way to go- but don't worry! Papa will make up for all the years those damn Exorcists kept you away from him~!"_

* * *

 _03 - Spacing out when facing off against a Demon is bad kids, don't try it at home!: End_

* * *

 _Next Time: Satan helps Rin cheat with his tests._

* * *

 _References:_

 _ **(1)**_ – _**Part of a quote from Dane Cook, the full quote being 'Yeah, snarky. It's a word. Google that shit, it exists.'**_

* * *

 _Note: Oh wow, I wrote another chapter already... Wasn't expecting to! I think that this'll be my project to work on on the weekends~ So I probably won't update through the week._

 _At any rate, a couple of people suggested that Satan make snide and snarky comments about Shiemi. I tried, but as I actually begun to think about what to have him say, my mind just went blank. I hope it turned out alright nonetheless._

 _'Till next time!_


	4. Chapter 4

_04 – Like father, like son_

* * *

" _A."_

Rin wrote down the answer Satan had given him quickly and without hesitation.

" _C."_

Another answer was written down as he sped through his tests at a speed never thought to have been possible.

" _The most amazing and motherfucking awesome of them all, Satan-sama!"_

It took Rin a moment to realise what he had just wrote down, mind having been on autopilot. _You fucking Bastard!_

" _What? I answered the question you Dumbass!"_

 _Yeah! And what do you think an EXORCIST would do if they saw something like that written on an EXORCIST test, Stupid Bastard!_

"…" There was a pause, the sound of Satan throwing something across the room Rin knew to be him mind being the only thing heard, until… " _THE FLAMING FUCK!? SINCE WHEN IN THE NAME OF FREAKING HELL DID YOU HAVE THE BLOODY ABILITY TO SAY SOMETHING EVEN HALF REASONABLE!?"_

 _SHUT UP! I'M NOT AN IDIOT! …Most of the time…_

" _Riiiight~ Let's get on with the next question, shall we?"_

 _Yeah._

Rin nodded seemingly to himself, causing Yukio (who had been watching his brother intently throughout the test to make sure the half-demon didn't try to cheat) to furrow his eyebrows in confusion. Focused purely on Rin, Yukio didn't notice most of the class cheating in their own ways and would later be left wondering how everyone managed to get such high scores.

 _Alright! 'On this list, what can greatly weaken even the strongest of Demons and assist Exorcists greatly?' Crap…_ Rin groaned in despair. Tests were evil.

" _Oi, I'm helpin' ya out 'er, 'member?"_

 _Yeah yeah- wait, why the heck are ya talkin' like that!?_

" _Why're ya doin' it too?"_

 _I have no fucking idea! Just answer the damn questions already!_

" _Holy Water."_

 _Okay, what-_

" _Rubber Ducks."_

 _I see… So-_

" _Madao."_ _ **(1)**_

 _Ah, yup- wait, WHAT!?_

* * *

" _Seriously though! It's the fifth day of fucking Exorcist Cram School and, just yesterday they give you a test!? And they didn't teach you shit all week. So why the fuck would they give a test to someone as neglected in the ways of Demons and Exorcists as you and most of the class are on such short notice!? I MEAN FOR FUCKS SAKE! That smartass younger brother of yours-"_

 _Yukio._ Rin corrected, cutting of the Devil's rant for a moment.

" _Yeah yeah, whatever. I really don't give a crap, I really thought he was a reasonable person a couple of days ago, but nooooo, apart from the 'glare from Hell itself' he doesn't have a single one of my traits! Unlike you~"_

 _Shut the fuck up, Bastard._

" _Nah. We're getting off topic anyway, aren't we?"_

Rin groaned, massaging his temples as Satan begun to rant, yet again, on how the Exorcist training system was full of Bullshit.

Shiemi, from her place sitting next to him, gave the half-demon a reassuring look. "D-don't worry, Rin." Even though she was attempting to encourage him, it seemed that she was a lot more anxious about the test results than he was. "I'm sure you'll do well."

Actually, Rin wasn't concerned at all about his test, not one bit- he had the Devil on his side, after all.

" _I'm so proud of you, my son!"_

 _What…? Why are you proud of me, you Bastard!?_

" _You cheated! At a test in an Exorcist class nonetheless. You really are my son!"_

 _Does having a voice in your head giving you all the answers really count as cheating though…?_

" _Shit."_

Rin couldn't help but smirk. _Not so proud now, are you, you Bastard?_

" _Nah, still proud~"_

 _Fuck you._

" _Papa loves you too, son."_

 _I'll kill you._

" _Papa doesn't think that's very likely~"_

 _Someday, I swear to Go-_

"OKUMURA RIN!"

Rin blinked, his thoughts being cut off by a very 'annoyed' Yukio. Huh, that seemed to be a more and more frequent occurrence. _I wonder why…_

" _Who the fuck knows? Just go up there and get your test back, I wanna see how many we got right~"_

Rin complied, cautiously walking up to Yukio, feeling as though the younger was going to pull out one of his guns at any moment.

"Nii-san," Yukio handed the half-demon his results, seemingly sceptical, "how did you of all people get a perfect score…?"

Both Rin and Satan were jumping around with joy at the large _100 _ written in messy red above Rin's test.

"FUCK YEAH!" Rin shouted.

"NII-SAN!"

Rin stilled, shuddering at his brother's irritated tone. As did the rest of the rather small class.

"Yes…?" The half-demon asked weakly.

"How did you manage to get every answer correct?" Yukio's eyes flashed in suspicion under his glasses.

"Err…" _Shit, what do I say?_

" _Tell him the truth."_

 _WHAT!?_

" _Well, alter it a heck of a lot, but yeah- the truth."_

"Well?" Yukio disturbed Rin's inner conversation.

Rin grinned, rubbing his head sheepishly. "The voice in my head told me, duh." The half-demon said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Yukio stared at his older brother, an unreadable expression on his face as a moment went by in silence. Finally, the younger turned to address the rest of the class as he spoke; "Okay class, the rest of the tests are on my desk, take them yourself. I need to go shoot something in attempt to comprehend my brother's seemingly lack of sanity."

" _Tell him I say hi~"_ Satan told Rin, his tone mischievous.

"Yukio!" Rin called out just as the younger was about to exit the classroom, "the voice in my head says hi!"

Yukio walked off, not daring to look back as he begun to mutter randomly. "My brother is crazy… He's insane…"

* * *

"I'll defeat Satan!" Ryuji Suguro, aka 'Bon' declared as he faced the Leaper with determination.

" _Oooooh~"_ Satan cooed, causing Rin to shiver at the feeling of needing to pity Bon, _"I like this one Rin! Make him your servant, he'd be good as a servant! Papa orders you too!"_

 _Huh, that actually doesn't sound like a bad idea… Alright, I'll do it!_

" _Better save his ass though, some bitch just killed his determination and that Demon is going to kill him~"_

 _WHAT!? NOOOO, I WON'T ALLOW MY SOON-TO-BE SERVANT TO DIE!_

" _Heh, spoken like a true Demon Prince."_

* * *

Yukio held his gun at eye level, making sure his aim would be precise should the need to shoot arise. Suddenly, his phone begun to ring, the tune of 'When there's trouble you know who to call~' _ **(2)**_ echoing throughout the room- someone was calling him. Startled, he pulled the trigger of his gun, a bullet firing and hitting its target.

Seemingly ignoring this, Yukio calmly went to answer his phone, gun still readied should he need to fire another round.

"Pheles-kyo? Yes." Yukio fired his gun again. "Don't worry, Nii-san is just fine, hahaha, just fine!" And again. "It's not like he's gone insane or anything, ahahahaha!" And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. AndAgainAndAgainAndAgain. Yukio stared the training target, idly wondering when it had become so full of holes.

The younger brother's eyes widened, finally coming to his own conclusion in an attempt to deny the possibility that Rin had gone insane. "Ah, he was cheating! That has to be it, I must have just not seen him do it! Yes, cheating, that has to be it. There's no way Nii-san is actually insane! Hahaha, I'll have to talk to him about this- and all the other Bullshit he's put me through recently, yeah, I'll talk to him. Hahahahahahaha, and I'llShootHimIfHeSpacesOutAgain- ah, but not somewhere that could kill him… The arm, perhaps? That'll teach him not to cheat on tests! HYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Yukio blinked, frowning. What _was_ he doing? _I'm supposed to be the sensible, responsible character... not the bat-shit insane character… I need to calm down- ah, wasn't I supposed to make sure Nii-san didn't do anything stupid in P.E? Uh-oh, and Pheles-kyo was on the phone, wasn't he?_ He realised, inwardly cursing his outburst.

* * *

He stared at his phone, finally deciding to hang up on Yukio. "His laugh… It sounds like father's…" Mephisto mumbled, shuddering at the thought. "I think I'll need to send someone to check how mentally stable he is…"

* * *

 _04 – Like father, like son: End_

* * *

 _Next time: It seems that Rin has more of 'the Devil's luck' than the Devil himself…_

 _When it comes to card games, that is._

* * *

 _References:_

 _ **(1) – It's what Taizou Hasegawa from Gintama is often called. It can mean quite a few things, for example: (Ma)ru de (da)me na (o)ssan – good-for-nothing old man.**_

 _ **(2) – The start of the theme from Teen Titans.**_

* * *

 _Note: I wrote this chapter while I was sleep deprived, had waaaaaay too much caffeine, was in a sadistic mood and, to add to that, I had the Teen Titans opening theme stuck in my head- thus is what caused Yukio's insane moment. Hehehe... So excited to write the next chapter~_

 _I hope this was enjoyable to read. 'Till next time!_


	5. Chapter 5

_05 – The Devil's luck_

* * *

Rin sighed, reading a rather boring page of a rather boring Manga as he sat cross-legged and upside-down on the celling within his mind, gravity seemingly non-existent…

…For the half-demon, that is. While Rin's flames flickered lazily, Satan's flared in irritation, trying to figure out how the heck to defy the laws of gravity as Rin had somehow managed to do.

Rin looked down. "What's wrong?"

"How the fuck do you do that!?" Satan growled.

Rin suddenly seemed uncharacteristically calm, closing the manga and letting it float by his side as he placed his arms in a mediative position. "I found true freedom. I am no longer bound to this earth by worldly desires. I have entered the void." _ **(1)**_

Satan frowned in thought. "So, how the fuck do I do tha- HOLD ON JUST A DAMN SECOND! YOU JUST QUOATED SOMEONE FROM THE LEGEND OF KORRA!"

"Yup!" Rin exclaimed with a shit-eating grin, floating around the room as though to mock the Devil, "tricked ya, didn't I, you Bastard?"

Satan sniffled, bringing a tissue to his eyes. "Papa is so proud of you~"

"WHAT!? WHY!?"

"Because you tricked Papa~ You have the guts to even attempt to deceive _Satan_. Papa is so proud~"

"Shit…" Rin swore. "So, when am I supposed to wake up? It's so freaking boring in here!"

"Try being in here all the fucking time," Satan shot back, "at least you can fly."

"Yup! Take that you Bastard."

"I'll fucking kill you!"

Satan reached to grab at Rin, only for the half-demon to fly out of the way.

"Wait, aren't I supposed to be the one saying that- ouch!" Rin rubbed his head, which he had hit against the ceiling.

"Serves you right!" Satan smirked.

"Shut up!" Rin glared at the Devil.

"Nah~"

"I'll kill you!" The half-demon frowned, seemingly thinking for once. Suddenly, he nodded in approval at who-knows-what. "Yeah, it definitely sounds better when I say it."

Satan grumbled, only to wince, startled, as something fell onto his head. "The fuck!?"

Rin floated down to Satan, picking up the object that had seemingly come out of nowhere; a deck of cards.

"Talk about fucking random." Satan grumbled, "but it's something to do… You know any card games?"

"Nope." Rin admitted, shrugging.

Satan's eye twitched. "I'll have to teach you some then. You know what Poker is, right?"

"Kinda…? Nah, not really."

* * *

Satan stared blankly at a grinning Rin. "How the fuck do you keep on winning!?"

"Dunno," Rin replied absentmindedly, placing his cards on the table. "Royal Flush."

"…You're shitting me, right?" The Devil bought a hand to his head, massaging his temples. "Please, oh fucking please tell me you're cheating…"

Rin gave him a confused look. "Why would I be cheating? _How_ do you even cheat at this?"

"OH FOR FUCKS SAKE WE'VE BEEN PLAYING ALMOST ALL NIGHT AND YOU'VE WON EVERY BLOODY TIME!"

"MAYBE I JUST HAVE THE DEVIL'S LUCK OR SOMETHING, YOU BASTARD- Wait a second…" Rin smirked, an eerie chuckle close to escaping his throat. "I have more of 'the Devil's luck' than the Devil himself!"

"Crap, I think you do…" Satan's grin widened as he begun to laugh his insane laugh. "FUCKING FINALLY! AFTER HAVING EIGHT CHILDREN, THE NINTH ONE INHERITED MY FLAMES _AND_ MY LUCK WITH GAMBLING. FUCK YEAH!"

Rin was about to comment when he felt something pulling at his body, something he knew to be the beginning of his body waking up on its own- or Yukio attempting to wake him up. The later being more likely than the former.

* * *

Rin groaned, blinking the sleep out of his eyes as he felt the cold metal of Yukio's gun placed in-between his eyes. Sitting up cautiously the half-demon gave his younger brother an 'are you fucking serious' look, not all that startled by the fact that said brother had a weapon which held the potential to kill him positioned as to actually kill him.

" _Pfft, no son of mind would be killed by some Stupid bullet to the head. Sure, maybe it'll put you in a coma for a few weeks- which is a pain in the ass… But it won't kill you."_

 _Seriously!?_

" _Yeah."_

"Nii. San." Yukio ground out, snapping Rin out of his conversation- something the younger seemed to do quite a bit.

" _Rude much?"_ Satan snapped at Yukio. _"You interrupted a perfectly good father-son bonding moment where I tell Rin how amazingly fucking awesome some demons healing abilities are!"_

Of course, Yukio couldn't hear him.

"Nii-san, it's almost time for school." Yukio said in a seemingly calm tone, but Rin couldn't help but shudder at the threatening gleam in his younger brother's eyes.

…

Was that a flicker of insanity the half-demon just saw…?

"Y-yeah…"

* * *

Rin stretched his arms above his head as the last of his classes finished. _Oi, Bastard, you've been quiet today. What's wrong?_

" _D'aww~"_ Satan sung, _"you do care about Papa~"_

 _Fuck no! But seriously, why have you been so quiet today?_

" _Well…"_

 _What…?_

" _There's a place I want you to go, I want to see if you really have inherited my luck or not."_

 _Seriously… You've been thinking about something like that all fucking day?_

" _Nah, I've been watching random videos on this thing called YouTube- oh yeah! Can you go see Samael before we go? I want you to try something out on him~"_

Rin sighed. _Alright…_

* * *

"I like Trains." _**(2)**_

Mephisto didn't have the chance to comprehend the half-demon's words as a random train smashed through his office window, hitting him at full speed before disappearing off into the sunset.

" _Fuck yeah!"_ Satan cheered. " _It actually worked! Revenge plan phase one: MOTHERFUCKING SUCCESS!"_

Rin stared blankly from the large hole in the wall to a rather unconscious and heavily injured Mephisto. _I'm going to have to help you extract your revenge, aren't I…?_

" _Yup~ Make Papa proud! But you should probably make a run for it before Samael wakes up."_

 _Crap!_

* * *

 _05 – The Devil's luck: End_

* * *

 _Next time: Satan tells Rin to go somewhere and Rin meets someone unexpected!_

* * *

 _References:_

 _ **(1) – A quote from Zaheer, character of the Legend of Korra Book Three: Change.**_

 _ **(2) – The 'I like Trains' guy from ASDF.**_

* * *

 _Note: Hehehe, this story is now starting to diverge from the Blue Exorcist canon, kinda, sorta... Meh, it'll happen gradually~ For now I'm just going to throw in random bits and pieces! __Anyone want to take a guess as to who Rin will meet? Here's a hint: My random imagination + wondering about the eight demon kings + FIRE. Err... Does that hint make any sense? For some reason I'm not quite sure it does... Oh well!_

 _I hope this was enjoyable to read! As it is the fifth chapter I'd like to finally thank all the people who have favourited/followed/reviewed thus far, your all amazing and it makes me **REALLY** happy to know people enjoy reading this!_

 _'Till next time!_


	6. Chapter 6

_06 – Cuss is a word_

* * *

Dressed in casual, yet somewhat delinquent-like clothing Rin stealthily snuck out of True Cross Academy town in the dead of night in a Ninja-like way, following the directions Satan was giving him.

" _Take a left- no I mean right- oh for fucks sake Rin your other right- no not that one, the_ _ **other**_ _right!"_

 _I only have one right, you Bastard!_

" _Riiiight~ Make a U-Turn in 50 Meters."_

 _The fuck!? That doesn't even make any sense!_

" _It isn't supposed to- aha! Go left! LEFT DAMN IT, LEFT!"_

Rin grumbled, complying while idly wondering why he was listening to voice in his head that sucked at giving directions anyway.

"' _cause deep down you care about Papa~"_

 _Shut up, Bastard!_

" _Nah~"_

* * *

" _Here it is!"_ Satan exclaimed excitedly, bouncing around in Rin's mind.

Rin's eye twitched in annoyance one he had arrived at the destination. A small, rundown building with a discreet doorway- sign reading 'Devil's Nest' _**(1)**_ hung loosely overhead and flight of stairs leading downwards.

 _The heck is this place!?_

" _You'll find out~"_ Satan sung. _"Now hurry up and go in you wuss, make Papa prouderrerereer- huh, I don't think that's a word… Rin! Make sure you get 'prouderrerereer' added to the Dictionary someday!"_

 _Wha…?_

" _Oh! And 'cuss' as well!"_

' _Cuss' is already a word, Bastard!_

" _Shit… Anyway, hurry up and go inside!"_

* * *

"Nii-san, I'm back." Yukio called out as he walked into the Dorm he shared with his older brother, having just come back from a rather successful mission. When the younger of the two received no reply he walked cautiously through the building, suspicion aroused by the seemingly lack of life.

Arriving at his room Yukio drew one of his guns. Swiftly he opened the door, alert, only to find that there was nothing out of place and no Rin in sight. This only made the younger even more suspicious, cautiously entering the room he scanned the surroundings.

After a few long moments, Yukio finally went to put his gun away as he released a sigh of relief he hadn't known he had been holding in… Until something disgustingly bright in colour caught his eye, causing Yukio to become fully alert once more.

It was a note, sprinkled with blindingly bright fluorescent pink sparkles.

Yukio's eye twitched, hand itching to pull the trigger of his gun and shoot the horrid piece of paper that lay on the desk from his side of the room. He resisted, knowing that should he do so it would be greatly out of character for him and he had no intention of going along with the author's plans to portray him as the character who will end up going bat-shit insane.

Yes, that was poor Yukio's conclusion as to why he had been itching to murder his older brother whenever the half-demon spaced out or did something either stupid or smart.

The younger brother was in denial of his not-so-gradually fleeing sanity, it seemed.

Instead of putting multiple bullet-holes in the note like he oh-so-desired to, Yukio picked up the piece of glittery paper, reading the note aloud to himself:

"To Yukio.

If you are reading this note then first I need to say that you are the most amazingly motherfucking awesome younger bro anyone could have so please oh fucking please don't shoot me next time we see each other.

Anyways, I've gone out for a bit and I dunno when I'll be back, probably in the morning or something. Don't go looking for me, I've done the bloody homework so you can't stop me from enjoying myself! Hah!

Well, see you later bro.

From Rin.

P.S – I hit Samael with a train. Hehehe~

P.P.S – I mean Mephisto!

P.P.P.S – If I'm not back in about a week then assume I've been captured by the villainous Vlocks that want to eat me alive." _**(2)**_

Multiple smoking bullet holes found themselves in the note, a dark look across Yukio's face.

* * *

Rin stared at the large underground bar-like hangout in awe. Many Demons filling the room, yet not enough for it to be considered crowded.

 _What is this place…?_

" _It's one of a few gathering places for Demons in Assiah- although I myself have never been to one before."_ Satan explained.

 _And why the fuck did you tell me to go here when I could very well be expelled for going off Academy Campus in the middle of the night, or possibly_ _ **killed**_ _for sneaking into a bar for Demons!? I'm an Exorcist for crying out loud- and not to mention fucking underage- I think..._

"… _You really need to stop saying intelligent shit."_

 _Shut up!_

" _Hey! I bought you here so that you could make some money because the shitty amount Samael gives you is a cheap load of Bullshit! …And I want to test your luck."_

 _I can make money here!?_

In a far corner of the room a couple of tough-looking men shuddered at a horrid feeling while one rather odd male in nothing but his underwear and expensive sunglasses continued to grin like an idiot, placing his losing hand down on the table as he reluctantly forfeited his sunglasses. The tough men, seeing that they had won yet again brushed off the feeling of impending doom that they had felt but a moment prior.

" _Is that…"_ Satan begun as Rin's eyes came across the group of men playing Poker- or more specifically the only one at the table seeming to have lost anything (and almost everything). _"Holy shit it is! Rin! Go over to that fucking table right now and stop that Dumbass of an older brother of yours before he bet's away all his bloody territory again! I can't deal with that shit again at the moment!"_

Rin, surprised at the uncharacteristically desperate tone in Satan's voice, complied, eyes not leaving the man losing his game.

The man's hair was a deep crimson- long and wild, his now sunglasses-less eyes squinted as to not see their colour and his idiotic grin stretched cheerfully across his face. There was something about the man that the half-demon could only describe as a dangerous wildfire restrained by an unknown force.

"Oi," Rin said, successfully interrupting their game and gaining the group's attention. Glancing at his supposed older brother the half-demon grinned. The other's eyes opened slightly, confusion showing in dark red- near black eyes. "Mind if I fill in for this Idiot before he loses something he shouldn't and I have to put up with another bullshit rant?"

The couple of tough-looking men gave Rin a curious yet amused look.

"Well," one of them begun with a slur, taking a swig of his beer, "what do ye have to bet with, 'lil Brat?"

Rin paled, having not taken what he would but on the table into account.

" _Bet the Kurikara,"_ Satan pipped in, _"it's worth a shit-tone and a half, so it should get you back that Dumbass's crap in no time."_

 _What- I can't you Bastard! What if I lose!?_

" _First of all, '_ _ **if**_ _I lose' isn't likely to happen. Secondly, even if you do lose just burn these cheating Shitheads- that's what I always do~"_

 _They're cheating!?_ Rin's eyes narrowed at the two in sudden determination. _Alright, I'll do it._ He glanced at the other, _but who the Hell is he…?_

"So, what're ya gonna bet?" The other of the two asked, leaning forward in mock-curiosity and snapping Rin out of his thoughts.

Sighing, Rin took his sword off his back, taking it out of its red cloth and placing it on the table.

The two tough-men's eyes widened in shock while the red-haired demon's eyes narrowed in realisation.

Rin couldn't help but smirk at the looks on their faces. "All or nothing," the half-demon offered.

In his mind, Satan sniffled. _"You really do take after me, I've never been prouder."_

 _Oh shut it, you say that all the time!_

" _But this time I'm serious!"_

 _Riiiight~_

" _Hey! That's my line!"_

 _First come first served. So, who am I placing the Kurikara in danger for again?_

" _One of your older brothers, and one that doesn't suck up to Samael; Iblis, the King of Fire."_

* * *

 _06 – Cuss is a word: End_

* * *

 _Next time: Rin does something stupid._

* * *

 _References:_

 _ **(1) – The 'Devil's Nest' is a bar from the anime Fullmetal Alchemist.**_

 _ **(2) – From the cartoon 'Jamie's got Tentacles' introduction- 'Jamie, prince of planet Blurb flees to Earth to escape the villainous Vlocks that want to eat him alive. But they sent an Alien to capture him, along with the help of a mutant Cow-' etc…**_

* * *

 _Note: So, for those of you who said that Iblis is the person Rin meets, congrats, you were correct! I don't think Iblis has been revealed in the Manga (unless I missed something somewhere) so I experimented with how I'd do his character. Originally it was going to be something like a mixture of Natsu Dragneel (Fairy Tail) and Roy Mustang (FullMetal Alchemist), but as I experimented more and more with it Iblis developed in an... interesting... way. MWAHAHAHAHAHA~_

 _Anyway! I hope that this chapter was enjoyable to read. 'Till next time!_


	7. Chapter 7

_07 – Of flames and fanboys_

* * *

Rin grinned, counting his earnings as the two tough-looking men left the 'Devil's Nest' with nothing but their strawberry-printed boxers, seemingly attempting to get away from him and the humiliation or their loss. Other than having won back Iblis's belongings, the half-demon had also managed to acquire the two men's clothing and quite a large portion of their money.

And he had done it all while looking scaringly like his birth father- alas, that was but a minor detail.

" _Woohoo!"_ Satan cheered, the sounds of party music echoing throughout Rin's mind, _"I knew it! I fucking knew you had my luck~ They were CHEATING and you still won!"_

 _I know right!? IT'S SO FREAKING AMAZING! I GOTTA DO THIS AGAIN!_

" _All the gamblers made a run for it after seeing what you just pulled off."_

 _Aww…_ Rin visibly seemed to deflate, a gloomy aura surrounding him as he stared down at his winnings.

"I'm Iblis," the Demon Rin now knew to be Iblis greeted, taking a seat across from him- now fully clothed in something akin to a cheap version of royal robes, his expensive sunglasses and a chainsaw at his side.

"I'm the main character, Okumura fucking Rin." Rin introduced.

" _Hey! How come you get to break bloody walls and I don't!?"_

' _cause I can, Bastard._

" _Tsk,"_ Satan grumbled.

"I thought so!" Iblis exclaimed, "I owe you one, 'lil bro!"

Rin shifted somewhat uncomfortably at the other's metaphorically blinding cheerfulness. "No… it's fine…"

" _Oi, Idiot. Be careful with this one,"_ Satan warned, _"he's…"_

 _He's what!?_

" _He's… Umm… Err…"_

"Tell me~" Iblis's tone was sickeningly sweet, sunglasses shadowing his eyes in an eerie way. "What is the most basic law of Alchemy~?"

" _He's completely and utterly fucking obsessed with FullMetal Alchemist- a rabid fanboy."_ Satan quickly blurted out.

Rin blinked. "Err…" _Which anime was FullMetal Alchemist again…?_

Iblis's body seemed to slump in disappointment. "It's equivalent exchange, 'in order to obtain something, something of equal value must be lost' _**(1)**_." The Fire king explained.

" _The one with the two Dumbassed brothers,"_ Satan told Rin dryly.

"Oh yeah, that anime!"

Iblis, unknowing of Satan's presence within the other, nodded in approval thinking that Rin had taken his words to heart. "I need to return the favour for what you did, equivalent exchange and all."

"Don't worry about it," Rin waved his hand in a dismissing manner, attempting to brush off the subject. "I don't need anything."

Iblis growled. "Oh come on! Isn't there any fucking thing I can do for you!? No epically amazing adventure that you need a sidekick or something to go on with you!? Not even a tour of Gehenna!? Protection from Exorcists!? ANYTHING!?"

Rin blinked at the older Demon's outburst. "I'm an Exorcist," the half-demon said bluntly and thoughtlessly.

Several gasps were heard throughout the bar, all eyes on him as the half-demon felt killing intent come at him from all sides. It felt like one hundred pissed off Yukios were all out to kill him.

" _YOU DUMBASS! YOU DON'T GO SAYING 'I'm an Exorcist' IN THE FUCKING MIDDLE OF A DEMON HANGOUT, DO YOU HAVE A BLOODY DEATH WISH!?"_

 _Shit…_

" _Oh such a wise word, although I prefer the word 'Fuck'. Just by its sound it can describe Pain, Pleasure, Hate and Love."_ _ **(2)**_

 _Now is not the time, Bastard!_

Rin got out of his seat, winnings in one hand and the Kurikara in the other, preparing to fight his way out of the 'Devil's Nest'. He soon found himself trapped, backed up against a wall as the angry, drunk and mostly just fucking bored Demons surrounded him with the intent to brutally murder him.

"Excuse me~" Iblis called out, pushing his way through the crowd. The Fire king gave the other Demons an apologetic look, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "I'm sorry for my brother's words, he hasn't had his medication yet and if he doesn't take his pills then… Well yeah, he starts to say some pretty strange things."

Oddly enough, everyone seemed to buy the Bullshit excuse, walking away from Rin and going back to whatever they had been doing moments prior.

Rin glared at Iblis, "now they all think I'm insane!"

" _It could have been worse."_ Satan muttered.

Iblis smiled a rather eerie smile. "I think that should be the least of your worries. Come with me, we need to talk, _'lil bro._ "

Rin shuddered at his tone, but complied nonetheless.

* * *

The two sat on a rather empty Train headed in the direction of the Academy Town.

"So, that shithead Samael took you in?" Iblis more-so-stated-then-questioned as he irritably typed something in on his touch-screen phone, a phone strap of a suit of armour _ **(3)**_ dangling as the Train swayed slightly.

"Kinda…"

The Fire king raised an eyebrow, glancing at the half-demon. "Hmm?"

"He's an asshole, but I had to go with him to become stronger."

"True that, but haven't you ever heard of 'stranger danger'?"

Rin's eye twitched. "You aren't the first to tell me that…" He muttered.

"Well," Iblis begun, putting his phone away, "you owe me now."

"WHAT!?"

"I saved your ass back there- payed back my debt and then some."

" _You can't argue with that."_

 _Ugh…_ "What do you want?" Rin asked.

"Help me infiltrate True Cross Academy Town!" Iblis declared, suddenly beaming with mischievousness.

"There's no way in Hell I'll do that!" Rin declared quickly, "I'll be killed!"

"Not if no one finds out~" The Fire king sung.

" _Tell him 'this shit isn't equivalent exchange, why don't you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself."_ _ **(4)**_

Rin, being the sometimes-stupid-sometimes-wise person he was, repeated the Devil's words.

Needless to say, Iblis looked shocked…

… For a split second, after that the Fire demon had an arm slung over Rin's shoulder, grinning like an idiot.

"You really are my 'lil bro!"

" _Huh, that usually shuts him up when I say it."_

 _Fuck you._

" _Now, in what context are we talking here, because in some ways 'Fuck' can mean-"_

Rin tuned Satan out, all attention on Iblis. "Why do you want to sneak into the Academy anyway?" His eyes narrowed in suspicion, "you want to destroy the Exorcists-in-training, don't you?"

"What- no!" Iblis protested, "it has nothing to do with the Exorcist Cram School! I just want to get Samael back something he did a long time ago!"

" _OHMIGAWD HELP HIM RIN! HELP HIM ACHIEVE HIS GOAL!"_

"Wha…?"

"You wanna know what happened?" Iblis growled, flames beginning to leak slightly from his body. "Alright then! You see, I had found this amazing girlfriend, and while I knew Pops was out to kill her-"

" _Damn right I was, the Bitch ate the last cookie."_

"- I was still dating her. We went to Gehenna's equivalent to an Amusement Park and just when I was about to confess my undying love for her Samael came along, shot Pops –who had been trying to assassinate her- out of the air while looking all cool and then she went and dumped me for that fucking Bastard who turned her down anyway!" _**(5)**_

Rin hesitantly placed a hand on Iblis's back in attempt to comfort him. The half-demon sighed at the sight of the formerly-cheerful-now-depressed Fire king. "I'll help you get back at him."

"Really!?" Iblis brightened up immediately.

Rin nodded, "yeah."

As if on que, a voice sounded from the speakers in the train: "Next stop, True Cross Academy Town."

The half-demon frowned, suddenly realising something. "How the fuck am I going to hide you? It's obvious that you're…" He trailed off at the sight of Iblis stripping. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?"

"I'll take on my animal form~" Iblis informed excitedly, "no one's seen it before, so there isn't anyone that'll recognise me as 'Iblis, King of Fire' and besides, it isn't uncommon for Exorcists to have tamed a Demon to be their familiar- heck! Even Demons do it sometimes."

Before Rin had the chance to respond, a large cloud of red smoke formed in the Train, Iblis seemingly disappearing as it appeared. Once the cloud died down Rin was left gaping at what he saw.

" _You know, I always figured he'd be a Salamander or some kind of Lizard, even a Dragon! But not… not this…"_ Satan commented, seemingly just as surprised as Rin was at the chibi Panda _ **(6)**_ which stood where Iblis had once been, chainsaw in hand.

 _Wow…_

" _No wonder he kept it hidden all this time… The poor Dumbass…"_

 _A Panda…_

" _Oi, what the fuck is this!? RIN! WHY IS THERE A FULL-SIZED PANDA IN HERE NOW!?"_

 _A PANDA!_

" _Oh shit…"_

* * *

With his amazing Ninja skills, sneaking back into the Academy had been no problem, even with his arms full of his winnings and clothes, Iblis running next to him- the Fire king lacking the unnaturally natural Ninja-like skills Rin had.

It was the same sneaking back into the old rundown dorm which the half-demon shared with his younger brother, the early morning sky seemingly making their actions all the more dramatic as the two made their way in through a window on the top storey.

Sneaking back into the room Rin shared with Yukio, however, didn't go so well.

Quietly opening the door, just in case Yukio had gotten back from his mission early, Rin and Iblis entered the room. Seeing no sign of his younger brother, Rin carefully placed his winnings on his bed.

Suddenly the door shut, lights turning on as the sound of a gunshot resounded throughout the room, a bullet embedding itself into the wall behind Rin, said bullet having just missed the half-demon.

Rin and Iblis turned to Yukio.

" _You are sooooooooooo fucking dead."_

"Umm…" Rin begun weakly, sweat forming on his forehead at the sight of a pissed off and potentially trigger-happy Yukio, "I can explain…?"

At the darkening of Yukio's expression, Iblis quickly hid behind Rin in attempt to use him as a half-demon shield.

They were so fucking screwed.

* * *

 _07 – Of flames and fanboys: End_

* * *

 _Next time: A pissed off Yukio! Will Rin survive the encounter?_

* * *

 _References:_

 _ **(1) – From FullMetal Alchemist Brotherhood.**_

 _ **(2) – Part of 'History of the 'F' Word'.**_

 _ **(3) – The phone strap is of Alphonse Elric from FullMetal Alchemist.**_

 _ **(4) – 'Why don't you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself' – Part of History of the 'F' Word.**_

 _ **(5) – Iblis's story is basically the second part of Gintama episode 35.**_

 _ **(6) – Iblis has basically taken on the form of Xiao-Mei/Shao May from FullMetal Alchemist's manga/Brotherhood.**_

* * *

 _Note : Hehehehe... MWAHAHAHAHA- Err... Yeah... This chapter was... interesting... to write... So much fun to write as well though!_

 _I have to admit that I'm a bit paranoid with how I write this now. I've learnt in the past that crack!fics are extremely easy to mess up when developing a plot with them. But alas, I shall continue to do my best!_

 _I hope this chapter was enjoyable to read. 'Till next time!_


	8. Chapter 8

_08 – His insanity has yet to truly develop_

* * *

How Yukio's gun had an unlimited amount ammunition, Rin, Iblis and Satan would never know.

How Rin had managed to dodge all of the seemingly endless horizontal rain of well-aimed bullets would also remain a mystery to all.

All that could be said for sure was that the dorm room was now in serious need of repairs…

… And that Rin _really_ needed to find a new place to live- preferably a safe distance away from his formerly-calm-and-kind-now-batshit-insane-younger-brother. But the half-demon would have to figure that out much later should he make it out of this mess alive.

" _Rin! Dodge! Quickly! Oh come on that one almost hit ya! And you call yerself my son!?"_

 _Shut up, Bastard. I'm trying to not get killed._ Rin inwardly shot back as Satan seemed to treat his predicament as some kind of sport being played on live T.V. "Calm down Yukio!"

"Calm down!?" Yukio's eye twitched, an eerie grin spread across his face as an aura only comparable to that of insanity surrounded him. "How the _fuck_ can I calm down, Nii-san!?" Another barrage of bullets was fired. "After all the _shit_ you put me through-" And another. "-now you run off to god-knows-where doing god-knows-what-" And another. "-and you come back with a hell of a lot of random _crap!_ " And another- really, where were all these bullets coming from!?

" _Huh, I don't know if I like this 'batshit-insane Yukio' team or not- incoming team Rin! FUCKING DODGE!"_

 _Stop treating this like it's a bloody sport, Bastard!_

" _Okay okay, sheesh, ruin all my fun why don't ya?"_

"Oh for the love of- Yukio PLEASE CALM THE FUCK DOWN AND LET ME EXPLAIN!"

Yukio halted, eye raised in mild curiosity as the insane aura surrounding him seemed to _grow_ in impatience. "Explain."

Rin rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, relaxing at the lack of danger he was in for the moment. "Dad taught me how to play Poker, the Bastard loves to gamble so I figured I'd give it a try."

Everything was quiet for a long moment, silence even within Rin's head as he realised that he had called Satan something he never thought he would. But in his defence having told Yukio that the Devil had taught him how to play Poker wouldn't have ended well.

" _You…"_ Satan begun in shock, ending the silence but only for Rin. " _YOU CALLED ME DAD! YOU CALLED ME DAD~ D~A~D~! FUCK YEAH!"_ And thus a party started within the half-demon's head, the Devil's horrid singing echoing throughout Rin's mind…

… Where had Satan managed to get another Karaoke machine from?

It was only after Yukio walked out of the room in shock and denial that Rin realised exactly what he had just said.

And Iblis just stood there, somewhat forgotten and bloody terrified of when had just transpired as the Fire king idly wondered if infiltrating True Cross Academy had been such a good idea- the youngest son of Satan was more of a trigger-happy psycho than Satan himself in his eyes.

Iblis made a mental note to avoid Yukio as often as he could.

* * *

Suguro was a morning person, he woke up at an ungodly hour, went for a jog in the early morning and was well prepared for the day by the time any sane person would awake. The mornings were rather refreshing to him, allowing him to think clearly and rid himself of all his concerns and duties as an Exorcist.

As such, when he came across Yukio, he greeted the younger Okumura with no hesitation- thinking nothing of the rather… odd… glint in his teacher's eyes.

The eerie laugh Yukio had laughed when having returned the greeting with his own, however, should have set off some warning bells for poor Suguro. In hindsight the Exorcist aspiring to kill Satan should have just stayed in bed that day.

"Ryuji-kun~" Yukio sung, head swaying from side to side slightly. "What would you do, I wonder, if someone you considered your father died and then it was revealed via your stupid older brother that said father had gambling issues~?"

Suguro took a step back as Yukio approached him. "Wha-"

Yukio pulled out his gun as to shut the other up, continuing in a rant. "You know, Fujimoto always did go out every now and then- telling me it was an important mission which I couldn't join him on~ Hehehe~ To think that he… that he would have snuck Rin out of the house to go gambling of all things!"

It seemed that Yukio had yet again come to another irrational conclusion- this time, however, it was not the truth. True, his current insane state of mind is the work of a fanfiction writer- but it is untrue that Shiro Fujimoto taught Rin how to gamble. Alas!

Yes, Suguro really should have slept in that morning- perhaps he should begin to do so from now on… Waking up early was a pain in the ass to do anyway.

At least he helped one of his teacher's calm down enough not to murder his brother the next time he saw Rin.

* * *

 _04 – His insanity has yet to truly develop: End_

* * *

 _Next time: Who's that Pokémon- I mean Demon!?_

… _It's Ukobach!_

* * *

 _References:_

 ** _Huh... Not really any references in this chapter unless you count the one in the 'Next time' part~_**

* * *

 _Note:_ _Huh, nothing much to say this time..._

 _At any rate, I hope this chapter was enjoyable to read! 'Till next time~_


	9. Chapter 9

_09 – The forming of a secret organisation_

* * *

Yukio's eye twitched as he watched Rin sleep, the half-demon sniffling while tossing and turning somewhat violently. "Nii-san~" Calmly, the younger brother sung in a creepy tone as he pulled out one of his guns. "It's time to wake up~"

* * *

Rin and Satan both sniffled, tissues bought to their eyes and an empty popcorn bowl in-between them as they sat on the couch, the credits for the movie 'Edward Scissorhands' _ **(1)**_ playing on the amazingly large T.V screen.

"Why," Satan wailed, "why the fuck am I crying about this movie!?"

"The heck if I know!" Rin shot back, in tears. "Why couldn't we have watched Beetlejuice instead!?"

"Because that movie scares the crap outa me!"

"So what, Bastard!? Do you really think that saying Beetlejuice three times will make him appear!?" _ **(2)**_

"YES I DO!"

"HAH!" Rin smirked and Satan paled.

"Oh shit," the Devil begun, "please don't do it!"

Rin now wore a shit-eating grin. "Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetleju-"

And then suddenly, before the half-demon had been able to finish he was woken abruptly by the distant sound of a gunshot.

* * *

Rin stared at Yukio with an 'are you fucking serious, why the heck do you keep on doing this? You could have killed me' look.

Yukio stared back with an eerie grin that really didn't suit him. "Nii-san~" The younger sung, "it's almost time for school~ Get ready~"

Rin complied, opting to stay silent about the fact that it was only five in the morning. Really, Yukio had been such a nice younger brother before, what happened to him?

" _Who knows."_ Satan said with a nonchalant shrug from within Rin's mind, still sniffling at the movie they had watched moments prior. _"I'm just glad he woke you up when he did- you almost said Beetlejuice fucking thrice!"_

 _Oh shut it, Bastard, it's too early for this shit._

Both Rin and Iblis (who was in hiding) sighed in relief as Yukio left the room. Iblis, in all his awesome chibi Panda-ness crawled out from underneath Rin's bed, chainsaw gripped tightly in his hands least the youngest son of Satan should come back.

"You know," the Fire king begun shakily, "you should really find somewhere else for us to live, Yukio'll kill us both someday."

Rin gave Iblis a look that screamed 'don't tempt me! Even if we do move somewhere else he'll hunt us down' look.

"Well," the Fire king shrugged, "we could always call upon Beetlejuice."

" _OH FUCK NO!"_

* * *

Rin stared at Yukio blankly as the younger held one of his guns to the half-demon's head, rather willing and well prepared to pull the trigger. How had things gotten to this? One might ask. It all happened when Rin and Suguro had been fighting over a bread roll for lunch as Rin had somehow been trying (unsuccessfully) to make the other his servant. Yukio had calmly stepped in, kidnapping Rin in the process.

This somehow led to the current situation of Yukio pointing a gun at Rin's head, threatening the half-demon with his life.

"Yukio…" Rin begun, inwardly cursing the fact that Satan had decided to take a nap _now_ of all times. "Err… What do you want…?" The half-demon shuddered at the look the younger gave him. As though a demented beast had cornered its prey- no, it was more like a desperate plea of a batshit insane relative.

"You'll cook for me, Nii-san."

Rin blinked. "Why…? He asked dumbly.

A gunshot echoed throughout the empty school hallway and it was only for the sake of making sure that this story wouldn't end with this chapter or go from a comedy to a tragedy that Rin had managed to dodge the bullet aimed directly at his skull.

"Fangirls…" Yukio muttered with a look of terror as he swiftly jumped out the closed window, running off into the distance.

Rin stared at the broken window. _Huh… I guess I have to cook something for him then… I think…? WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED ANYWAY!?_

" _OH SHUT THE FUCK UP! HE'S BATSHIT INSANE, THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT!"_

 _YOU WERE AWAKE!?_

" _DUH!"_

 _BASTARD!_

" _WHAT HAPPENED TO CALLING ME DAD!?"_

 _OH SHUT IT, BASTARD!_

" _HAH! SO YOU AREN'T DENYING IT! YOU'VE STARTED CONSIDERING PAPA A FATHER~"_

 _SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. RIGHT. NOW._

" _HAHA! Nah~ I'm too happy to be quiet!"_

* * *

Rin and Iblis stared at the small demon in the kitchen. Ukobach stared back at the two. Silence consumed the room for a moment…

"Hi!" Iblis greeted cheerfully.

… A very _short_ moment, as Iblis broke the dreadful silence.

Ukobach waved in greeting as the chainsaw-wielding chibi Panda walked up to him, giving a cheerful high-five as the two seemed to quickly become great friends, the cooking demon even daring to allow Rin to use the kitchen. That is… until…

"Eww!" Iblis jumped back suddenly in disgust, "you're Samael's familiar!?"

Ukobach nodded sadly. "Yes…"

"How the fuck did that happen?" The Fire king demanded, causing Rin's attention to go from his cooking masterpiece in the making to the two small demons.

"What's going on?" The half-demon asked.

"He works for _Samael_!" Iblis declared.

Rin just raised an eyebrow. "Uh, yeah, doesn't everyone at True Cross Academy technically work for Samael?"

" _Holy shit you just said something intelligent again!"_

 _Shut up, you Bastard of a dad._

Satan literally squealed like a rabid yaoi fangirl that just had her OTP become canon. _"You called Papa dad again! Papa is so happy right now, this needs to go on my blog!"_

 _You have a blog…? Wait- never mind, I really don't want to know- HOW CAN YOU EVEN HAVE A BLOG IN MY MIND!?_

" _There's a computer, Dumbass. And internet as well."_

 _MY MIND HAS INTERNET!?_

" _FUCK YES!"_

 _THAT'S FUCKING AWESOME!_

Ukobach looked at Iblis. "Does he space out often?"

Iblis nodded. "Yes, it's probably not healthy. Let's take his clothes off and see if he notices before I continue to confront you as to why you serve Samael!"

Ukobach nodded enthusiastically.

* * *

Rin sat, as naked as he was the moment he was born. The half-demon growled at the two small demons across the table that were holding his clothes hostage- both of them wearing shit-eating grins.

"So," the half-demon begun, "hurry up and tell us you're fucking life-story so that I can go change into some clothes before Yukio gets back! I'm too freaking young to die!"

Iblis nodded in fear and understanding. "True, you are waaaaay too young to die, and so am I!" The Fire king turned to Ukobach, "life story. Now. Unless you want to meet someone that puts even Satan's 'insanity level' to shame."

"I've already met Yukio a couple of days ago." Ukobach admitted, trembling slightly in fear.

Iblis placed a comforting paw on his back. "It's okay, we both-" The Fire king gestured to Rin and himself. "- know how you feel. Heck! We have to sleep in the same room as him!"

"I pity you both."

"Yeah yeah," Rin said urgently, "now hurry up with the life story already!"

"Alright." Ukobach begun, "Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Fire nation attacked _ **(3)**_ \- Wait sorry, wrong scrip. Basically, Samael is an asshole and I became his familiar in order to have my revenge. Sadly I haven't had the chance to, and now he's made me the cook for some batshit insane kid and you two."

" _You three should totally form a secret organisation in order to get revenge on Samael~"_ Satan sung.

"Us three should totally form a secret organisation in order to get revenge on Samael~" Rin sung, relaying the Devil's idea to the two.

Iblis and Ukobach stared at the half-demon as though he were their Supreme Ruler and Eternal Master.

"FUCK YEAH!" The two small demons cheered.

And thus, the 'Revenge Against Samael and Survival Against Batshit Insane Yukio Oh Hey We Should Get Matching Sunglasses' (RASSABIYOHWSGMS [ _RASSABIY] for_ short) secret organisation was formed.

" _Well, that sure escalated quickly."_

 _Yup~_

" _You'll need more than three members though."_

 _Crap…_

" _Eh, I'm sure you'll find more poor unfortunate souls of which Samael has tormented and Yukio has traumatised."_

 _True._

" _Oh hey! I found a song that fits the mood!"_

 _Shit!_

" _Poor unfortunate souls,_

 _In pain, in need-"_ _ **(4)**_

 _How the fuck did you get another Karaoke machine!? And SERIOUSLY, Disney music of all things!?_

* * *

 _09 – The forming of an organisation: End_

* * *

 _Next time: Rin can't summon- well, he can but..._

* * *

 _References:_

 _ **xx-x(1) – The movie Edward Scissorhands, directed by Tim Burton. (The movie was one of the few that made me cry in the end.)**_

 _ **xx-x(2) – In the movie Beetlejuice, again directed by Tim Burton, if one says 'Beetlejuice' thrice he who gave the author of this fanfic nightmares shall appear.**_

 _ **xx-x(3) – The beginning of the introduction from Avatar: The Legend of Aang.**_

 _ **xx-x(4) – 'Poor Unfortunate Souls' – the song Ursula sings in Disney's 'The Little Mermaid'. (Aka the song I've had stuck in my head since I was 5…)**_

 _ **This isn't really a reference, but I found that RASSABIY sounds oddly like Scooby Doo saying Wasabi, is that just me?**_

* * *

 _Note_ _:_ _I didn't think I'd manage to get two chapters out this weekend (I got distracted trying to get my inspiration to write this [coughThereWasAMarathonOfComedyShowsOnTVcough), but I did! Yay~_

 _Anyways! I've edited the summary out a bit so it'll hopefully fit the story a bit more now 'cause I thought that parts of it didn't really fit._

 _Also, for those wondering about Amaimon- yes, he will come into the story. I have plans for him, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA- Err..._

 _I hope this chapter was enjoyable to read! 'Till next time~_


	10. Chapter 10

_10 – Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy Mephisto_

* * *

He smiled his normal shit-eating smile as he scrubbed shampoo through his ever-stylish hair, tail swaying happily from side to side as the hot water of the shower poured down onto him, steam flooding through the room so that the author doesn't have to describe his naked body as he sang in a voice that would make the Devil envious as fuck.

"I pick all my skirts to be a little too sexy,

Just like all my thoughts, they always get a bit naughty,

When I'm out with my girls, I always play a bit bitchy,

Can't change the way I am,

Sexy, naughty, bitchy me-" _**(1)**_

* * *

The small class stood around a large summoning circle, Neuhaus taking a puff of his cigarette as he instructed said class about how to summon demons.

"Any questions?" The teacher tamer asked.

"Why the fuck are you smoking? That wasn't in the Manga or Anime!" Rin asked with a glare.

" _Seriously! WHY THE FUCK CAN YOU BREAK WALL AND I CAN'T!?"_ Satan growled from within Rin's mind.

Neuhaus glared at Rin in obvious hatred. "It makes me look cool, and I need to make sure I'm smoking when I kill you so that I look coolerererer- huh… Is that even a word? Ah fuck it!"

"Oh, cool- wait what!?"

"Nothing."

" _He obviously wants to kill you, burn this motherfucker now!"_

Rin's eye twitched. "The fuck-"

"Sensei," Suguro cut in, "you shouldn't smoke, I don't really give a crap about you but haven't you ever heard of second-hand smoking? You're exposing all of to it, Dumbass!"

Satan whistled, _"seriously, when are you going to make this smartass your servant?"_

 _These things take time, Bastard._

" _Hah! Just bribe him with chocolate and cake- he'll cave quickly. Then you'd have someone to help run RASSABIY with."_

 _Yeah right, he hates sweets. ... I think...? Maybe...?_

"… _Burn him alive someday, 'kay?"_

"It's your turn, Okumura." Came Neuhaus's voice, snapping Rin out of his inner conversation.

"Ah, yeah." Rin stared at the paper in his hands in confusion, unsure as to how it got there and what he was supposed to do with it.

" _Ooooh~"_ Satan sung excitedly, _"a summoning thingy~"_

 _A what?_

" _Put some of your blood on it and say whatever the fuck comes to mind."_

 _I like trains?_ Rin thought.

" _Whatever comes to mind other than that!"_

Rin nodded, and begun to chant;

"Ye of smugness,

Ye of shit-eating grins,

Ye traitor of the Devil's trust,

Ye who stole the heart of the flame,

Ye shithead who pisses me off,

Come forth you Bastard!"

A human-like figure appeared in a puff of smoke, and at that moment Rin, Satan and everyone in the room really wished they could rip their eyes out- but even that would never erase what they witnessed.

"Sexy, sexy, sexy-" The figure sung, clearly unaware that he'd been summoned.

"- Naughty, naughty, naughty,

Bitchy, bitchy, bitchy me-"

"Oh hey! I love this song!" Shima cut in cheerfully, making the figure aware of his audience.

Mephisto stared at his surrounding, then to his naked body, then to the summoning paper in Rin's hand. "Do. Not." The older demon ground out, "summon. Me. Again."

" _HOLY CRAP MY EYES! MY FUCKING PERFECT EYES! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!?"_

Rin, not giving a reply, quickly tore the piece of paper with a blank expression across his face.

Neuhaus looked at Rin. "Oh god please tell me that wasn't the actual first thing that came to your mind."

"It wasn't," Rin admitted.

"Then what the fuck was?"

"I like Trains _ **(2)**_ \- oh shit."

Really, Neuhaus didn't know what hit him.

* * *

Mephisto sat in his office chair (fully clothed), hands forming a bridge which he rested his chin on as he looked at Yukio with a dead serious look.

Yukio promptly fired a bullet that missed him by less than an inch.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?" Mephisto shouted, startled.

Yukio smiled an eerie smile that made the other shudder. "Target practice~" He sung, adjusting his glasses with his free hand.

"Oh yeah, you've become the 'bat-shit insane' character, haven't you?"

Another bullet was fired. "I don't know what you're talking about, Pheles-kyo."

"A-ah, I see." Mephisto made a mental note to send _someone_ to evaluate Yukio's level of insanity and to figure out how to deal with it accordingly- the youngest son of Satan was becoming scaringly like how the Devil seemed to be portrayed in the Anime and Manga… Perhaps even worse than that.

"So what do you want, Pheles-kyo?" Yukio asked with well-masked impatience.

"As you know, Igor Neuhaus has been hospitalised and is currently in a coma- he was hit by a Train."

"Yes," Yukio frowned darkly, "it's too bad, I really wanted a shot at him myself."

Mephisto paled, but decided to brush off the other's comment. "And I was also hit by a Train- one that Rin had somehow summoned and earlier today... Well… Put bluntly, your brother is a Menace-"

"Are you trying to act like George Wilson? _ **(3)**_ " Yukio cut in.

"Who- never mind." Mephisto paused, suddenly becoming serious again, "we need to put a stop to Rin's actions- there's even a rumour going around that he has created an organisation in order to destroy us."

Yukio frowned. "I don't think Nii-san is smart enough to do something like that, Pheles-kyo. Perhaps you're just being paranoid? Or insane?"

"Your one to talk," Mephisto muttered under his breath.

He barely managed to make it out his office window before Yukio had fired the Bazooka he had pulled from god-knows-where.

* * *

" _Hey! I didn't get to do much in this chapter, how the fuck could you replace the awesomeness that is me and Rin for those two Shitheads!?"_

 _You really shouldn't say that, Bastard…_

" _Why the fuck not!?"_

 _ **Because now I get to humiliate you, just as planned. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**_

" _Oh shit."_

* * *

 _10 – Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy Mephisto: End_

* * *

 _Next time: A servant is finally made._

 _Or something like that..._

* * *

 _References:_

 _ **(1) – The song Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy Me by Tata Young.**_

 _ **(2) – From ASDF, the 'I like Trains' guy. Yeah, it's been referenced again.**_

 _ **(3) – A character from the 1993 movie 'Dennis the Menace'.**_

* * *

 _Note:_ _Yeah. I was originally going to have Rin summon Satan but it seemed that that was what people thought was going to happen so yeah~ _Insert TrollFace Here__

 _Also, to the Guest that reviewed in chapter 4. I don't write Gintama stories 'cause I haven't had any good ideas for Gintama yet._

 _Anyways! I hope this chapter was enjoyable to read! 'Till next time!_


	11. Chapter 11

" _Huh. I feel like the world has been frozen in time. . . How the fuck does that work!?"_

 _The author's been procrastinating like fuck for the past five fucking months! Seriously author- what the freaking hell!?_

 _ **I had writers block, and I've changed the way I go about writing, AND I haven't been able to get my hands on any caffeine so. . .**_

" _Bullshit! You were just slacking!"_

 _ **Satan, what did I say about breaking Walls?**_

" _Does this really count as Wall-breaking!? The chapter hasn't even started yet!"_

 _ **SATAN!**_

" _BUT RIN CAN DO IT!"_

 _ **Rin aint' a jackass- anyways, Readers, welcome back to The Devil Inside His Head! Rin, are you ready to be put through hell in the form of Yukio?**_

 _Fuck yeah- wait, what!?_

* * *

 _11 – 100 Dollars_

* * *

"So," Yukio begun, acting as though he hadn't just destroyed most of Mephisto's office with a Bazooka, "what should we do?"

Mephisto, still trying to figure out where the heck the Bazooka had disappeared to, gulped. "W-well. . . With Neu- what was his name again? Whatever- with the recent Train victim. . . well. . . gone. . . we need someone else to play his part in the Chunin **(1)** \- I mean Exwire exam."

Yukio nodded, eerie smile warping into his now-signature bat-shit insane grin. "Yes, I would love to take his place~ May I shoot Nii-san?"

Mephisto was about to protest, but went pale as Yukio slowly reached into his jacket pocket. "Sure!" He exclaimed in rushed panic. "Ofcourseyoucan! Yes, yes, yes! Please! Shoot him as many times as you want to!"

Inwardly, Mephisto prayed that Rin would survive what his own self-preservation instincts had just permitted Yukio to do- if just for the sake of knowing he wasn't the one who had initiated the half-demon's death. He didn't want to KILL his younger half-brother, after all- just stop him from crushing his pawns with FREAKING TRAINS! DAMN IT HOW DID THAT EVEN WORK!?

"Well, if you say so." Yukio said in fake innocence, leaving the room via the giant hole in the wall.

Mephisto sighed in relief, pulling out his phone in order to put phase one of operation 'Save the World from the Okumura Brothers' into action.

"Hello- say, Amaimon, did you ever finish that Demon Psychology class? – Oh you did! That's great! I actually have a couple of people who need to be evaluated- what do you mean 'nah, can't be stuffed'!? The fate of the world depends on you damn it! You're the only goddamned being in existence who took that stupid class- wait no, it's not stupid! Don't hang up! -Okay, you'll do it for candy- that much!? Alright, alright. Meet me at that one half-built building so that we can talk like cliché villains. –Okay, bye."

Mephisto nodded to himself. _Sorry Amaimon, but sacrifices must be made._

* * *

'To Suguro fuckin Ryuji

Meet me on the roof after school, there's something we need to talk about.

From ?

P.S. Don't worry, I won't push you off the roof even though Sat- the voice in my head is telling me to. Okay I might, but still!'

Suguro looked around the rooftop area, having a pretty good idea as to who had sent the letter with overly-burnt edged. And sure enough, there was Rin and his damned chibi Panda familiar, waiting for him.

"What do you want?" Suguro asked, intent on getting the conversation over and done with so that he could retreat to the safety of his dorm room- fucking terrified at the chance of encountering his insane teacher out of the classroom.

Rin stared at him blankly, seemingly lost in thought before he grinned at Suguro. "Be my servant- I can guarantee a 07.7 percent chance that you'll survive your next encounter with Yukio if you do!"

Suguro blinked. "Sure, why not?"

* * *

" _How. . . How the fuck did that go so well. . . ?"_

 _Hah! Told you so, Bastard! Now you owe me one hundred bucks!_

" _Rin, I'm a voice stuck in your head, do you really think I have any money?"_

 _. . . Fuck you._

* * *

 _11 – 100 Dollars_

* * *

 _References:_

 **(1) A Ninja rank in Naruto.**

* * *

 _Note: Yeah, sorry for not having updated this in such a long time, a lot of shit happened and I've also changed the way I go about writing stories- so I wasn't all that sure how trying to write more of this would go. . . Anyways, this story is currently NOT one of my main priorities, and I'm not sure how often I'll be working on it (whenever inspiration hits me, I guess?), so yeah. _

_I hope this chapter was enjoyable to read._

 _'Till next time! - ef07_


	12. Chapter 12

_12 – A sorta-kinda Halloween special_

* * *

"Wake up Rin!"

As it was not his insane younger brother's voice that had spoken, Rin opted to ignore the pleading tone and the hands clawing at his head in favour of going back to sleep.

Had it been Yukio waking him up, Rin would have shot out of bed, grabbed the Kurikara and jumped out the window, as per usual. But Yukio had gone on a mission the previous night, and that meant there was no immediate danger. And that he had the chance to get some rest for once.

Ignoring the fact that 'rest' meant having to spend the night with his damned father.

" _D'aww, I knew you loved me~"_

 _Shut up, bastard._

"Oh for the love of ever 'effing Truth **(1)** … Rin! Get the fuck up, it's an emergency damn it!"

Still no response, although Rin couldn't help but note that Iblis' voice was a lot more panicked than usual.

"...C'mon Rin! Don't you care at all about your dear older brother?" A snore was the only response he got. "Rin?" Snore. "Riiiiiiiin?" Snooooooore.

Iblis sniffled, before a purely _demonic_ smirk found itself across his face.

"Oh 'ello Yukio!" He called out happily as Rin shot up, wide awake as he made to jump out the window, only to be stopped as Iblis tripped him. "Success!"

Rin glared, ignoring Satan's (totally not girly) shrieks of _"shit no not Yukio I'm too fucking fabulous to die, damn it!"_ as he wondered why Iblis wasn't in his usual Panda form. His confusion took less than a second to warp into anger.

"The fuck did you do that for?"

Iblis sniffled. "You wouldn't listen to my helpless pleas so I had to improvise."

"Err..." Well, it was true. Rin couldn't deny that. "So what do you want?" He asked as Satan continued to plea for his life inside his head, obviously having not noticed the lack of Yukio in the room.

And hopefully building.

And town.

And country.

And world.

Heck, maybe his bat-shit insane younger brother had managed to get stuck in Gehenna and was causing havoc and pandemonium there, never to return to Assiah...

"Oh nii-san, I'm back~"

...But that was wishful thinking.

Iblis barely had the time to turn back into a panda as Rin grabbed him and the Kurikara before diving out of the closed window, ignoring just how many stories high their dorm room was and the shattered glass.

At least demons related to Satan had an amazing healing factor.

* * *

After making sure they were a somewhat safe distance away from Yukio (all the way over the other side of the campus grounds), Rin stopped running like the devil himself was chasing them, putting Iblis down before relaxing slightly.

Key word being slightly, knowing that Yukio was somewhere in the academy town meant that they had to be on guard at all times.

" _Holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshit."_

Rin sighed, wondering when and how things had gotten so bad that even his father was terrified of Yukio.

" _You called me father again! Papa is so happy~"_

Ah, that snapped Satan out of his fear.

 _Shut up, bastard._

" _Nah."_

 _Fuck you._

" _Eww, no. That's the kind of thing I did with your mother. Y'know she was really-"_

 _...WHAT THE FUCK, BASTARD!?_

" _What? I thought that it was a bonding exercise for the parent to tell fucking tales of their past to their children?"_

Rin would have choked had there been anything to choke on. Instead he tripped over his own feet, tumbling face-first into the concrete path. _Where the hell did you get something like that from!?_

" _Internet."_

 _Oh for fucks sake... Please, never ever tell me about things like that. Ever._

" _You call me Papa and it's a deal."_

 _Wha- NO!_

" _Alrighty then! Oh how I remember her, how much she loved to-"_

 **|The story is experiencing technical difficulties like no other, Author-san apologises for the inconvenience|**

" _-oh fuck no! Are you telling me that bastard Fujimoto didn't even give you the bloody_ talk _!?"_

 _What's 'the talk'?_

" _...Fuck it! Oh? What's this? 'Explaining the Birds and the Bees for Dummies?' This'll work. 'When a man and a woman love each other very much'- oh fuck no! You see Rin, when demons decide that they want to-"_

 **|Technical difficulties are such a wonderful thing, no?|**

" _-and that, my dear son, was the talk."_

Iblis stared at Rin, who was staring blankly at the ground with a rather broken look in his eyes.

That was... concerning. But not the most urgent of matters. In fact, the fire king had something much more pressing to do than contemplate how some kind of invisible entity had broken his youngest brother (because there was no way he would ever consider the...the monster...known as Yukio to be related to him. Even Satan was never that loopy, and that was saying something).

"Oi, Rin," he begun, kicking the half-demon's foot, "I really need your help, bro. So if you, could, you know, stop acting like Satan just gave you the talk?"

Iblis raised an eyebrow as the words 'Satan' and 'talk' caused Rin to shudder violently. There was no way for their father to have told Rin about _that_ without him noticing, right?

...right?

Later, he decided, he would contemplate the implications later. And that meant that he'd never get around to contemplating it, ever.

"RIN!" Iblis snapped, this time hitting one of Rin's legs with his tiny paws. "I really, reallyreallyreally need your help, damn it! I'll teach you how to throw fireballs like Mario **(2)** if you do! Deal? "

"Deal!" Rin exclaimed. He blinked. "Wait, what?"

Iblis just grinned. "You see, there's a certain being that always targets me around this time of year. It's called... The Purple People Eater **(3)**."

Rin stared. "The what...?"

Iblis nodded, paws clenched into fists as he looked down in shame. "The Purple People Eater. A truly despicable demon, the worst of the worst- though not as horrifying as Yukio, mind you- it is a truly terrifying being."

" _Oh! It's that time of year again, is it? Well shit, time does fly fast."_

 _What?_

" _If I remember correctly, it couldn't get the job in the rock 'n roll band like it had always wanted to... The poor thing ended up as a debt collector. Tracks down Iblis every Halloween without fail, it's quite bloody amazing that Iblis still hasn't payed anything back... Given how strong that thing is."_

Rin blinked, frowning at Iblis. "So," he begun, "what do you want me to do?"

Iblis grinned sheepishly. "Win back all the money I owe by the end of the day?"

"And how much is that?"

" _Don't ask! You'll regret it- fuck you already asked. Damn it Rin!"_

Iblis smiled cheerfully. "Weeeeeeeeell-" he handed Rin a slip of paper. -"about this much! Remember, Rin, a deal is a deal~"

Rin was looking sickening pale, but even that couldn't reflect what he was feeling on the inside.

"What. The. Fuck."

" _Told you you'd regret it, dumbass."_

Rin, upon discovering that the piece of paper unfolded, revealing an even larger number, was too shocked to respond.

"Well, what're we waiting for, time to go gamble!" Iblis said, jumping onto Rin's shoulder.

"I have class!"

"So what? That's never stopped you before."

"I haven't skipped class to gamble before, Iblis!"

"Well, there's a first time for everything, right? Besides, I doubt you could win even half of the money I owe." Rin growled. Ah, reverse psychology was such a wonderful thing.

* * *

Iblis stared, unable to comprehend what had just happened even if he should have expected the outcome.

Rin was grinning happily, waving off another poor, helpless, formerly-rich demon while everyone else in the room seemed completely and utterly terrified of the half-demon sitting at a poker table.

Suguro, who they had kidnapped sometime while leaving, was staring gobsmacked at the half-demon while trying to figure out why Rin and his panda seemed to be comfortable in a room full of obviously high-class and violent demons. They were exorcists, damn it!

As it turned out, Rin had proven once again that he truly had more luck than the devil. The gamblers that had been at the demon casino they were at (quite a long way from True Cross with their tracks covered, least Yukio try to hunt Rin and Suguro down for skipping class) had been rather on the wealthy side.

And they had been quite foolish as well, believing that they could stand a chance against Rin.

Upon noticing some of the demons become violent... well, violent-er... Iblis got Rin's attention.

"We need to get out of here, now."

Rin pouted. "Aww, but this is fun!"

Suguro glared, even as he begun to sweat and fidget in nervous panic. He wasn't oblivious to the demons plotting their demise, unlike Rin. "Because, you moron, you've obviously pissed off a whole lot of strong demons!"

"So?" Rin asked. "They're nothing compared to a pissed of Yukio." All three of the shuddered at the thought.

Much to the trio's surprise, any and all anger within the surrounding demons turned to fear the instant the name 'Yukio' was mentioned.

"You- you know of that monster?" A powerful Kappa-like demon that went by the name of Random Demon Number One called out, voice trembling.

"Yeah," Rin called back. "I live with him." He told them, shuddering in fear as Satan once again went back to freaking out.

Several gasps resounded throughout the room.

"...You live with 'the trigger-happy, bat-shit insane bogeyman exorcist who's name shall not be said'...?" Random Demon Number One's youngest brother- Random Demon Number Sixty Three- asked hesitantly.

Rin sighed. "Yeah..."

At the confirmation, the half-demon suddenly found himself surrounded as the room was filled with an aura akin to overprotectiveness and awe.

"You poor, poor thing!"

"To think... and I had thought encountering him once was horrible!"

"I can't imagine how horrifying it must be to actually live with him!"

"He must truly be a strong demon!"

"One worthy of our respect, if he can survive living with _that_ monster!"

* * *

"What the fuck just happened?" Suguro asked as the three walked cautiously through the academy town. After receiving no answer, he looked at Rin, "I am going to go to bed, sleep, and then pretend that this whole day was a dream."

"Err... Sure?" Rin agreed.

"Seriously," Suguro continued, "there is no way any of this actually happened anyway. There's no way you dragged me to a casino for demons of all things, won so much money you could be one of the richest people in the world and got a room full of high-class demons to join RASSABIY after mentioning your brother! The next thing I know you'll be covered in blue flames and admitting that your Satan's son!"

Rin sneezed, blue flames consuming him as his tail unwound and came out of hiding. "Haha..." He scratched the back of his head sheepishly, "funny thing is..."

Suguro stared. "...Whatever Shima spiked my coffee this morning with, it's damn effective."

Rin opened his mouth to protest, but Suguro shut him up with a glare.

"That's the story and we're sticking with it. I'm tired. And I'm terrified of Yukio. I fully intend to push the blame on Shima, and that's that. Got it?"

Rin nodded slowly.

Suguro smiled, "I'm even going to ignore that One Eyed One Horned Flyin' Purple People Eater behind you. Bye."

And he was gone in a cloud of dust, the bastard.

Rin turned to face the Purple People Eater, smiling as he held up the rather large pile of his winnings, inwardly thanking his demonic strength. He had won a _lot._ "Iblis told me to give this to you to pay off his debts-" he ignored the panda giving him a thumbs up from his place hidden behind his leg. "-it should be enough, right?"

The Purple People Eater nodded, undeniably surprised that Iblis had managed to finally pay back what he owed.

"Soooo... I heard you wanted to be part of a rock 'n roll band?" Rin asked, curious.

"Yes. But I was never cut out for it." The Purple People Eater said sadly.

Rin placed his hands on its shoulders. "Don't give up on your dreams! I'm sure you'll find the perfect band for yourself!"

"Really!?"

"Yeah!"

" _...Son, I'm proud of you and all but... The whole reason it could never find a band was because it ate the members of said bands."_

Rin blanched. _Shit._

" _Now papa is more than proud! To get such a strong demon to go back to its human eating ways… you've done well. Oh the terror the Purple People Eater will cause once again! Mwahahahahahahahaha!"_

 _That's a really cliché evil laugh._

"… _Shut up."_

* * *

 _12 – A sorta-kinda Halloween special: End_

* * *

 _Next time: Enough procrastinating, the Exwire exams begin!_

… _Maybe…_

* * *

 _References:_

 **(1)** – **The FullMetal Alchemist universe's equivalent to God, I suppose.**

 **(2)** – **There is a power-up in some Mario games that grants Mario the ability to throw fireballs.**

 **(3)** – **From the song 'Purple People Eater' by 'Sheb Wooley'.**


End file.
